Attention please don't attempt to sue the humor column.
Reported by various news

My shrink advised me to take it easy and try not to get stressed, so I followed the advice and I did not pay my shrink!

"There seems to be no national registry for sex offenders"

"When is Vancouver going to clean up the city,not only do they have litter but also cultural fear"

"Nerotic builds the castle in the sky, and pyschotic lives in it

"We are heaven for organized crime" (RCMP). "Number one in bank robbery, car theft, drugs, identity theft, etc in Canada"

Recently the majority of people forgot to pay attention why Vancouver was elected the top city. "Not suprisingly for restaurants and bars"

"There seems to be very little or none regulations for calling defective appliances" reports "We do more on damage control than prevention ie; Canadian Cancer society doesn't seem to provide information, in fact BC health care hospital emergency falls below national standard".

We seem to be copying almost everything from USA and others. American Idol, Apprentice, well you can guess what the Canadian version can be. You're Fired!

"In Vancouver we tend to be more on the passive side, author was shocked to learn her American girlfriend woke up at 5:30 am and was still able to achieve everything"

"It is sad to notice that the city of Vancouver is turning into all buildings, many stores, hospitals and parking lots appear to be bought for condominiums. It seems like this city has been under construction forever."

According to Canadian mental health "Vancouver was rated as number one in depression within Canada, not to mention many other illnesses. In fact suicide prevention was below the National standards up until a few years ago".

"Why do we even bother to have the news when we can almost predict the daily news headlines from day to day".

Some local businesses report. "We are hesitant to hire people from Vancouver, ie; many are lazy, many take drugs, and others just want to talk on the phone".

"Others from different parts of Canada feel unrecognized? Could someone explain how is it possible to be the third top city to live in???" CTV, Global News reported from a protester "Canadians are the most stupid and ignorant people in the world".

Sad Story reported in the paper....Welcome to Vancouver......A new immigrant couple just landed and had a taste of the city immediately with all of their documents as well as $10,000 cash taken.,

According to W- Five/ CTV news for the second time Vancouver was rated again as number one for misinformation on a used car. Vancouver has also been selected for number one of stolen property and identity theft. This ties their with their past record of being the number one city in fraud, crime and perhaps (denial).,

How can a city be the best place in the world to live??? When we have reports after reports on broken promises, stolen property, identity theft....well perhaps the city gets it's ratings for all these false promises as much of the news does not even make the headlines!

Wow a funneral for a dog makes the headlines before the loss of a person!

City’s easygoing pace and sense of detachment from the pressures of daily life stand in stark contrast to my Seattle experience. People seem to work at a snail's pace. Calls are not returned. Appointments must be made weeks in advance (and are then usually cancelled several times before they actually happen).

When you call and reach another one of those dead-end voicemail boxes, instead of fuming, you hear a slightly revised version in your head: ‘Hello. We are Proudly Canadian. Thank you for calling, eh? We are not here right now; we’re basically never available; and we're definitely not in as much of a rush as our U.S. neighbours. Hey, we’re in no rush whatsoever! You may call us in English or French; you may leave your name and number in any one of the 25 heritage languages listed in Option 5, or is it 26 languages? ; we may never get your message; even if we do, somebody will probably deny we did. We are still Proudly Canadian. The hockey game’s on! We may just call you someday, eh?’

Well, we are Proudly Frustrated!

"Do you know what B.C. stands for?" "No." "Bring cash - lots of it."

The little community in the heart of downtown, for example, has its own psychological character. Step onto my street and you can check in for any number of overnight accomodations, get a $50.00 haircut, go to Starbucks where you meet the gay nurse currently on job action (which right now seems to mean very little action), have him refer you to a shrink who can't actually practice because of all the bureaucratic obstacles, visit the South American consulate, stop by the travel agency to plan your itinerary to an alien planet, don't forget to compare wedding gowns at the 2 bridal shops in one block (even though you're not getting married), check in with the attorney re common law divorce just in case, not forgetting to ask him how many years it's going to take for your lawsuit to come up and be dropped (quite different from our neighbour Seattle, where anyone can sue anyone anytime and does, and almost every case gets to court!) and finally you can relax at the escort service, the only business on the block working fulltime.

Attention homebuyers! Just as you think you landed your dream home, watch out for water leakage and insect and many other problems, later to be denied by some psychos from, you guess from where, called Strata. Everything is so called, 'normal'.

Be prepared for being told so many different ways to wear your shoes.

If you like to get things done and receive good service, think twice. Some say consumers have limited rights. But if you like to get drunk and high, you're in the right place.

Paradise for criminals.

Be prepared to crash into stolen cars in an ambulance on your way to the hospital.

The city that claims to be laid back. Be careful you may be on your way to the morgue...alive.

Some of the things that goes on are truly uncomprehendable. Surgical mistakes. Two men in the hospital. One to have his appendix to be removed, and the other to be anatomically corrected, male to female. They were switched!

Guy appears in court for a stolen car. The lenient so-called Justice System, perhaps has not been modified for over 30 years. The judge let him go. He steals the judge's car to appear for his next appointment. He was let go again. This time he steals the officer's car.

Now you're wondering why it is the best city? Of course, you can get away with almost anything!

The mad cow disease debating, for months and months, where the cow came from. Well, finally, it was said, apparently from U.S. that the question is, was the this cow a landed immigrant or Canadian citizen? Which in this case, a landed immigrant could have been deported immediately. After many loopholes, it was determined, after all, the cow was Canadian!

Now the safe injection sites will have all the drugs of choice available. It is interesting, there doesn't appear to be many rehab centers available.

How is it possible to be able to get your choice of drug but a person cannot even receive legitimate shots for a diagnosed illness?

Repeating the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.

You don't need to go to a movie to look for entertainment. Just walk around downtown. You will feel you are in the biggest circus! You can see people walking around talking to themselves and people asking for money, and people selling stolen goods, and even asking you to give it a try. Almost everything is legal here. In the heat of the summer, you can see someone walking around with a fur coat. In the middle of the rain, you can see sports cars with the top down. Unfortunately, people seem to look their worst in summer and their best on Halloween.

It is quite interesting, most people here continuously critisize and don't like Americans. Almost every paper and from the House of Parliament, you can derogatory remarks and even to the point of pointing and bashing names. What ever happened to all the kind and politeness, eh?

Very seldom do Americans talk about Canadians. In fact, half of them don't know where Vancouver is.

The more you know, the worse it gets.

Does anything ever go right here? Seldom. Almost everything has to be done over and over. Many say, if you want anything done right, do it yourself.

How do you teach a seemingly ethical society, ethics?

Practice what you preach. Or preach what you don't practice. Will the real offenders, please stand up, that may be amoung us.

Confidentiality, how do you get away with selling people's records and medication lists through the internet and through the pharmacies. How do you justify it?

The Constitution of the United States states that all people are created equal. It has always been interesting to me, how is it that we have death penalty in one state, life in prison in another state for the very same crime. Drinking age is twenty-one, driving age is sixteen. Which brings me to the point, consistency in all states. I wonder what it would be like if we had constituency in all states in all areas of law. It seems to me, we are so focused on minute details, we really forget the big picture.

For example, recent law, children under eighteen can not smoke. They will be ticketed for smoking, if they are found smoking. How is it that sixteen year old can drive, but not smoke? Any child, under the age of eighteen, can reveal any manner of secrets to a therapist, who is being paid by the parents. Yet the therapists can not disclose to the parents, but must report sexual abuse to the police. Doctors are required to report child sexual abuse. At the same time, anything revealed to an attorney, perhaps need not be reported by the attorney to officials. The officials are after all the ones making the rules, who watches them?

It is interesting we ask people not to drink and smoke in the presence of nude exotic dancers. How interesting that we can torture man's mind, tell him you can't smoke or drink, you can't touch; you can only look. What state of mind are we unleasing on society, once this tortured individual leaves this establishment? And then we blame the pornography for everything? Who promotes it? Do we ever do anything that is really for the benefit of the human being? Or is it really for the benfit of financial gain?

Take a look at medicine, science, the food industry almost everything has been bought and sold for profit. I must say I love America, please don't sue me. Only in America. We have been criticized for being the nation that has a suing mentality. We might ask ourselves, why? If we really promoted honesty, facts and truth in advertising. Would we really be thinking about suing? We are getting to the point that we are paranoid of our own shadows. We have laws and legislation's and forms for everything. It is a license to live or a license to kill?

We hardly have any heroes, when we find one, we will bring him/her down. We judge people. If we don't like what they say, if they don't agree with us, we will try to dig up dirt and ruin their character. We write and publish almost anything we want about anybody. And the poor person has to be almost bankrupt to hire an attorney to defend the false allegations, whatever that may be. I am really proud to say that we call this, Freedom of Speech. I sometimes think, that perhaps we are better without it. I have no right as an individual to ruin your life or character, due to a revenge upon you.

Isn't it interesting that a society can identify so greatly with Princess Diana, but not Mother Teresa. In fact many people did not even know who Mother Teresa was. I believe that real humbleness and kindness takes a lot of work. I feel sad to realize that we can so graciously identify with the Princess, but not with Mother Teresa. They were both beautiful people, they both did a lot for people, however we find ourselves identifying more with Princess Diana, more than Mother Teresa. I felt that the reason for this was, that Princess Diana was almost like one us, she suffered. Mother Teresa bore the burden of other's suffering.

It amazes me that a human being can call a radio talk show, they get yelled at, screamed at, criticized, put down and at the end of the conversation, they say "Thank you, you have changed my life." The same society, the same people will sue others for paying a compliment to one another.

It seems we are getting more confused and perhaps more depressed. It is interesting to me that depending who you are listening to on the radio, when people call in to talk about their problems. Some poor individuals who call in for assistance are yelled at, told that they are morons, told to shut-up. Why do people put up with this. One shrink will ask are you living together, the other will inquire as to your relationship with your dog. It is interesting to note that during the week of hearings regarding the impeachment of the president of the country, some shrinks while doing their regularly scheduled programs, were doing their show in their underwear. Was this an attempt to make the public feel more comfortable about their sexual dysfunction? Also, interesting to note that a talk show had a hypnotist that claimed and demonstrated on a live radio show, multiple women, under hypnosis obtainig orgasms. I really don't know what purpose this served for the society? This is the same mentality that would allow a famous personality to autograph their bare body parts. It would be interesting to put someone under hypnosis to perform kind deeds, be more loving, and accepting. That may not be as exciting to watch or listen to, however. It was interesting to me to see a talk show host, that had previously critized other talk show hosts; having on one of his shows a fake orgasm involving a call, his producer and another staff member. I guess we desire the society that we have.

Who do we hold responsible for this behaviour that is taking place. Is it the people who appear, or call in to the shows, or is it the production/management of the shows? Is it all about sex, violence, football and beer? You know Hitler also had followers. Are we that vulnerable, kind and naive, that anybody can sell and produce anything and we will buy it? How is it that some societites produce Puccini, Chopin and Leonardo, and some societies produce Michael Jordan and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and on the other side Ted Bundy, Charles Manson and Jeffrey Dahmer (could this be a true eating disorder, as defined by the Bible of Psychiatry, not classified anywhere?)

Productivity, faster and faster, see the patient. It seems that many health care professional are more concerned about the number of patients seen, than the care of patients. It also seems that we are paying the patient to see us. As we are moving toward a society of faster and faster, we now have a society of drive-thru shrink, drive-thru attorney, drive-thru alcohol. Now we are in the process of producing Viagra spray, for fast, immediate action. I can just see how many men in this society would just love that, flag up, in and out.

Legality and morality do not go together. I find it interesting that the editor for the Journal of American Medical Association was fired after seventeen years. After publishing an article discussing the percentages of young people who do not consider oral sex, sex. Isn't the Journal of Medicine a reporting agency for research findings?

Is character a person's destiny? Do you judge your success of what you had to give up, or by what you have had? If you have lots money, please help the poor hungry children and other people in need.

Even though we live in a society that over the age of eighteen you are considered to be old and due for all kinds of surgery, please consider this, if you live a humble and honorable life, just when you think you are getting older you are not afraid, because you have aged gracefully.

A friendly suggestion, if you want to avoid all possible litigation, you might consider dating someone over the age of 150.

It saddens me to see, we as society laugh at other people's misery. We make a joke out of their character. Should we really be laughing or crying? In recent situations with the president of the country, I am amazed to see, jokes, making fun of his character on every radio and television show. Everybody is laughing, at the same time we wonder about why there is no respect in our society? How could we respect, when our president, regardless of guilt or innocence has been laughed at, talked about shamelessly. In many shows we have hours that are spent in discussion of a leader penis and the definition of oral sex. Think of what could be achieved if those hours were spent towards the saving of this same society's children.

Some neurotic (doctors-shrinks) may build the castle in the sky; some psychotic (managed "not to" care insurance and some attorneys) may live in it.

An elephant can not fly anywhere, however, in the U.S.A. some attorneys can put wings on the elephant and make people believe it can fly.

It is interesting to see many people calling radio shrinks, when often they don't know even the Dr's name, to talk about their most personal problems. It is also interesting to see that many of these people get somewhat abused, and screamed at by the Shrink and afterwards the poor callers say thank you.

Are most of these, so called helpful shows, helping, or just getting the ratings?

We have spent x amount of dollars, to find out if the president did or did not have sex.

Interesting to note, a survey that was recently done with respect to two characters, most people did not know the "official" character, but knew about the other character. A woman who has possibly brought the most powerful nation in world to a near standstill. The newscaster was surprised to learn that one "unofficial" character was more recognized than the "official" character. Do we really need a rocket scientist to tell us why?

According to some source, sex happens to other people Now we will have introduction in American Language--English, on how to define sex, and many ex and former, and soon to be attorneys debating and arguing and defining oral sex. When did we turn over what the American dictionary's definition of sex is to the legal community? Isn't it interesting that we never spent this much time talking about Mother Teresa and her contribution to humanity.

A shrink can create a new illness and manufacture it. I love America. This is the only place that you can sue yourself, then represent yourself in the suit.

A society filled with illegal and legal fraud. The more bizarre, the more crazy, the better chance you have to get published or be famous or get the ratings.

Shrink on the phone with patient's wife, "I realize that your husband is about to jump. But this is not covered by managed not to care. Perhaps, we could give you a family discount? Would you like to join him? We could do a group session on the ledge."

Your coverage on your PPO plan begins after suicide. Your funeral service expense may or may not be covered. By the way is your shrink a Preferred Provider or a non-Preferred Provider?

It is interesting that we went from don't ask, don't tell... to, do ask, but don't remember or don't recall. And from a stained dress (I am sure that we will come up with a product that will easily remove it); now the Teletubby sexual orientation is called into question. Please let us not forget that this show is not gender related. Thank you so much for bringing to our children's attention, now with the power of suggestion, children will be looking for gender on this show. Sometimes people should begin to ask what planet they live on, when we go from the definition of oral sex to the sexual orientation of a Teletubby. This show is possibly the only show that teaches love, caring and sharing, contains no violence, no guns. Unlike many children's programming, including cartoons.

Prima Novella Umorosa

E` molto interessante a sentire ancora un’altra storia. Un avvocato ha parlato per suo cliente, un terrorista accusato ‘noi vorremmo chiedere un’altro stato (fuori Seattle) per il nostro tribunale, perche` vogliamo che il nostro tribunale sia giusto, che la gente non ha pregiudizi verso il mio cliente’. Sono sorpresa. Com’e` possible di trovare uno stato che ha simpatia verso questo terrorista, che era trovato con gli esplossivi.

First Humorous Story

It is very interesting to hear yet another story. A lawyer spoke for his client, an alleged terrorist, "We would like to ask for another city for our trial, outside of Seattle. We want a fair trial. We don’t want people to be prejudiced against my client because it’s their city." I am surprised. How is it possible to find a place that has sympathy for this alleged terrorist who was found with explosives?

Seconda Novella Umorosa

La storia era…dopo un dottore ha finito di operare su una donna, ha segnato il suo proprio nome sullo stomaco della donna. La donna vuole cinque millioni??? Lei ha commentato, ‘Sono embarassata che mio marito mi vede con il nome di un’altro uomo su di me.’ L’avvocato del dottore dice che il suo cliente soffre di problemi al cervello—lobo frontale, dunque non era lucido. E` interessante che l’accusato, per caso, era dottore, allora diamo alla sua malatia un titolo spettacolare? Forse creamo, costruiamo le malatie. Sarebbe bello se potessimo impiantare carattere, come impiantiamo i semi. In ogni caso, il tribunale ha deciso che un miglione di dollari sarebbe il prezzo della sua multa. Mi fa pensare del psicologo che era accusato di aver avuto sesso orale con il suo paziente. Dopo, l’avvocato ha detto ‘mio cliente ha mentito innocentemente, pensavo a un giorno sbagliato.’ Com’e` che l’onesta` fa cosi` male? Dove commincia la pazzia e dove finisce? C’`e una fine alla follia? Se ripetiamo sempre le stesse cose, gli stessi sbagli, aspettando risultati diversi—puo` essere questa la definizione della follia.

Second Humorous Story

The story goes…after a doctor finished operating on a woman, he signed his name on her stomach. The woman is suing him for five million dollars??? "I’m embarassed for my husband to see another man’s initials on me." The lawyer of the doctor says that his client suffers from problems with his frontal lobe, thus his judgment had temporarily been impaired. It’s interesting that the accused happened to be a doctor, so we give his illness a fancy title? Do we create illnesses and reasonable doubt by manufacturing it? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could implant character? Anyway, they settled for a million. It reminds me of the psychiatrist who was accused of having oral sex with his patient. Afterwards, the lawyer said , "My client lied mistakenly; she had the wrong date in mind." How is it that honesty has to be such a painful policy? Where does the insanity begin and where does it end? Do we have any end to being idiots? If we keep doing the same thing over and over, and expect a different result, could that possibly be a definition of insanity?

Terza Novella Umorosa

Una proposizione per una nuova legge. Se un marito o una moglie non e` fedele, ci saranno adesso la possibilita` di citare lo sposo o la sposa colpevole.

Third Humorous Story

A proposition for a new law. If a husband or a wife isn’t faithful, there might soon be the possibility to sue the guilty spouse.

Quarta Novella Umorosa

Dov’e` puo` camminare qualcuno, e nel mezzo di attraversare la strada, una macchina la colpisce. E` interessante no, che il poliziotto che viene per documentare l’incidente per prima , guarda la macchina per danni?

Fourth Humorous Story

Where do you think you can be a pedestrian walking through a crosswalk, and a car hits you? Isn’t it interesting that the officer who took the accident report looked first off for damages and injuries on the car?

Critical thoughts

Isn’t it interesting that we are so kind, and we go out of our way to help other people from anywhere, but at the same time we forget about our own? is it that everything has to be so extreme? Everyone diets to an extreme, we work out to an extreme, people buy things to an extreme. Then, what is the flavor of the month? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could also experience things in moderation? And now we have doctors promoting all kinds of products? I hope some of these products are at least good!

We are taught here in the states to live competitively, not to work together.

Also I question how creative we are taught to be?

How is it possible that we look to legislate everything?

Do we also need to have intellectual and common sense profiling?

It seems that sometimes, no matter how you say something, or in what language you say it, people just don’t get it? But on the other side, there are people who are so gifted and so wonderful that they don’t need these laws and legislation for everything?

What is the use of all of these studies these days: they show that men have low self’-esteem and feel less smart and less confident when they are having a bad hair day. Are women going to feel left out? Are we going to call attention to issues in order to create a problem. It will be very interesting to see how many shrinks are going to be specializing in bad hair days. I’m sure that eventually there will be a pill that you can take that will "resolve all your problems immediately."

Patient Bill Of Rights: They can sue their insurance company. Are we surprised? Will we ever find a balance in any area. Won’t we ever get tired of debating everything? When will there finally be a balance?

Pensieri Critici

Non e` interessante che siamo cosi` gentile con tutti, da tutto il mondo, ma allo stesso tempo, dimentichiamo la nostra gente?

Com’e` che tutto e` sempre cosi` estremo? Tutti fanno dieta all’estremo, facciamo gli esercizi psisici all’estremo, e la gente compra all’estremo. Poi, dipende al sapore del mese. Cos’e` sucesso alla moderazione? E adesso abbiamo dottori che fanno la publicita` per prodotti? Al meno speriamo che alcuni prodotti sono buoni!

Ci insegnano negli Stati Uniti di vmart and less confident when they are having a bad hair day. Are women going to feel left out? Are we going to call attention to issues in order to create a problem. It will be very interesting to see how many shrinks are going to be specializing in bad hair days. I’m sure that eventually there will be a pill that you can take that will "resolve all your problems immediately."

Patient Bill Of Rights: They can sue their insurance company. Are we surprised? Will we ever find a balance in any area. Won’t we ever get tired of debating everything? When will there finally be a balance?

Pensieri Critici

Non e` interessante che siamo cosi` gentile con tutti, da tutto il mondo, ma allo stesso tempo, dimentichiamo la nostra gente?

Com’e` che tutto e` sempre cosi` estremo? Tutti fanno dieta all’estremo, facciamo gli esercizi psisici all’estremo, e la gente compra all’estremo. Poi, dipende al sapore del mese. Cos’e` sucesso alla moderazione? E adesso abbiamo dottori che fanno la publicita` per prodotti? Al meno speriamo che alcuni prodotti sono buoni!

Ci insegnano negli Stati Uniti di vivere in competizione, non di lavorare insieme.

Anche mi domando quanto ci incoreggiano di essere creativi quando siamo giovani?

Come puo essere che vogliamo mettere tutto in legislazione?

Possiamo anche creare I profili intellectuali e di buon senso?

Mi sembra che qualche volta, non importa come uno spiega una cosa, o in qualsiasi lingua, ci sono molti che, sempliciamente, non capiscono? E` all’altro lato, ci sono persone cosi` ingenui che capiscono tutto.

Cosa vogliamo fare con tutti questi studi che fanno adesso: ‘quando a uno non piacciono I suoi cappelli un giorno non avra` buon confidenza in se`’ . ‘Prendete questa pillola e dimagrite subito!’

Nuova legge per pazienti: possono citare le dite d’assicurazione. Non possiamo essere molto sorpresi. Quando troveremo un’equilibrio nelle cose? Non ci stancheremo mai di vivere sempre in conflitto—solo per trovare l’equilibrio?